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Femme Fatale Guide: How To Decenter Men In Your Life
- Consider the values, goals, and desired lifestyle that feel most authentic to you if social scripts/stigmas didn't apply to you
- Take time to become radically honest with your desires as an individual – outside of the perception of men, your family, boss, teachers, peers, etc.
- Cultivate a sense of personhood and identity established in your interests, hobbies, skillsets, learning capabilities, creativity, and desire for growth in all aspects of life
- Act in your own best interests. Speak up for your needs, and advocate for yourself. Be more "selfish." Don't apologize for what you want and go after it. Act in your own best interests
- Become confident in negotiating, assertive communication, and standing on your own two feet. Establish relationships in all aspects that are based on mutual benefit and equitable exchange
- Unlearn your self-sacrificing & people-pleasing. Stop shrinking yourself or suppressing your needs to make others feel better or more comfortable
- Validate yourself: your needs, desires, goals, dreams, preferences, and opinions. You need to choose yourself every day. Your appeal to others means nothing if you don't like the person you are or are becoming to satisfy the needs or desires of others
- Consider the ways you're consciously and subconsciously confining your self-expression and belief system to fit the mold/appease the patriarchy. Actively work to deconstruct this mentality and way of being
- Be honest with yourself about how men enrich your life. Not the other way around. Do they fulfill you romantically, sexually, both, or neither? There's no right or wrong answer, except the one that requires you to put on a performance rather than live in alignment with your true self
More resources including book recommendations/creators to follow HERE.
✨ things that make my life feel expensive ✨
- Always being curious to learn and actively pursuing knowledge. This is #1 for me. Constantly be trying to elevate yourself with information. There's no better time than now to be able to learn new things. Psychology, theory, fiction, persuasion, finance, history, emotional growth, nutrition, beauty, time management, philosophy, politics, strategy, classic literature, art, high fashion, hard sciences, technology, investing. There's so many things to learn about. There are a lot of free courses out there as well.
- Having manners and etiquette. Smile at people. Be friendly. Be especially kind to people working in the service industry, retail, customer service.
- Being well spoken. Limit profanity and slang. Don't gossip or say anything about yourself in a negative light. Think before you speak. It's okay to pause, think, and articulate.
- Water, tea, freshly squeezed or cold pressed juices in champagne flutes or wine glasses.
- Making fancy cocktails (or mocktails!) and putting them in proper glasses, with stirrers. It helps if you have a bar setup too, I have a cute lil bar cart with all the fixings.
- Expensive smelling candles. They don't have to actually be expensive, they just need to look cute and smell good.
- Fresh flowers.
- Taking bubble baths.
- Cooking delicious recipes from scratch, and eating at the dining room table with a full setup. Candles, glassware, cloth napkins, jazz music in the background, the whole nine yards. Ambience is everything.
- Drinking tea in the afternoon out of a teapot and teacup.
- Natural air fresheners. Essential oil diffusers, incense, reed diffusers. I'm a big fan of fresh eucalyptus bundles in the shower too.
- Salt lamps and battery operated candles. I try to live off of low, warm lighting and sunlight as much as I can.
- Houseplants.
- Buying cute crystals and setting up an altar to myself. I have a pretty silk scarf laid out on the end of my vanity, with crystals, sage, written affirmations, etc.
- Silk robes.
- Big fluffy bathrobes.
- Sunlight. Get as much as you can, even in the winter. Go outside in your puffy coat if you have to.
- Being in nature, in general. Nature walks are essential.
- Listening to jazz & classical music.
- Reading. There are a lot of free ebooks online, or you can go to the library too.
- Champagne.
- Cooking with fresh herbs, vegetables, fruits etc.
- Trying new hobbies. Ballet, yoga, Pilates, barre, horseback riding, etc.
- Maintaining a clean and beautiful home environment.
- Wearing perfumes & perfume oils. Right now I'm obsessed with Oudh, it smells incredible.
- Wearing jewelry I love.
- Trying new recipes out of fancy cookbooks.
- Going to wineries and attending wine tasting events.
- Try baking delicious and healthy treats.
- Fresh, high quality bedding. Crispy, high thread count white sheets. Feathery pillows. Great quality mattress.
- Get up and watch the sun rise, if you can. Sunsets are beautiful too.
- Get blackout curtains, especially if you live in a city with light pollution.
- Fancy coffee table books.
- Fresh bread, either from a local bakery or homemade.
- Going to farmers markets.
- Going to museums and art galleries.
- Having dinner with friends. Either at a nice restaurant or having a dinner party.
- Sleeping. Resting. Hibernating. Sitting. Napping. Relaxing. Being Present. Single tasking.
- Espresso drinks at home, with a milk frother and espresso machine. The cost of a mid range espresso machine will pay for itself in no time if you drink takeout coffee regularly.
- Bluetooth speakers in the bathroom, bedroom, and kitchen.
- Big, fluffy, white bath towels.
- High quality, nontoxic personal care products. This goes for hair products, face products, body care, makeup, even toothpaste. Don't throw everything out, just be conscious of your purchases when you buy new things.
- Going on picnics in the park.
- Dark chocolate.
- Gelato.
- Days at the beach.
- Beautiful lingerie.
- Matcha lattes.
- Going to brunch.
- Going to the library and bookstores.
- Smoothies.
- Reservations at new and exciting restaurants.
- Reusing pretty candle jars as containers.
- Reading luxurious magazines and newspapers. Some of my favorite are Vogue, Town & Country, Architectural Digest, Food & Wine, Financial Times, Bloomberg Businessweek, and The Wall Street Journal.
xoxo ♥
AFFIRMATIONS FOR MANIFESTING AND POSITIVITY
DISCLAIMER: You can change the affirmations to what suits your needs or beliefs
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ Everything works in my favor.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ Everything works out for my greater good.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ All negative intentions,words,spells, curses, and hexes are returned to the sender.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I am divinely protected by a higher source.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I prosper and thrive in everything that I do.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I have an immense amount of joy in my life.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I have an abundant life.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I get all of my desires.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ My manifestations want me
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I welcome new opportunities and look forward to them.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I have a prosperous and joyful life.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I can manifest anything I want.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ The universe is on my side.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ Everything is rigged in my favor.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I get anything I want.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I get all that I desire.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I easily manifest everything on my vision board.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I have a manifestation mindset.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I don't chase my manifestations; I attract them.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I mastered the art of manifestation.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I am grateful for the abundance and blessings that come to me.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I am attracting success and opportunities into my life.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ All my desires have already been manifested.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I live my dream life.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I always attract my ideal scenarios, excluding intrusive thoughts.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I am divinely protected.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I have divine protection over me.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I get everything I want because I attract it.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I get what I want because of my charm.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I am getting all of my desires quickly.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I feel at peace.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I feel loved.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I am living life my way.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I easily attract my desires.
ΛΚβ‘ΙΛ I effortlessly get what I want.
When you feel you have lost everything, you still have
- books
- unexpected kindness in strangers
- the rest of the world to travel
- languages to learn
- animals to take care of
- volunteer work to do
- the power of a good night’s rest
- the changing of seasons
- infinite things to learn
- billions of people to meet and possibly love
- billions of people who might love you back
Nana Komatsu photographed by Inez & Vinoodh, for Chanel Fall/Winter 2023 Ready-to-Wear collection
𝐀 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐥𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐬:
• 𝐈𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐮𝐱𝐮𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮.
• 𝐈𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐮𝐱𝐮𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.
• 𝐈𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐮𝐱𝐮𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐞.
• 𝐈𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐮𝐱𝐮𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲.
• 𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬. ♡
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